Gary Perlman's Canadian Corner

A Montreal Canadian A Dual Citizen
What is a Canadian? Trivia Section
Map of Canada

A Montreal Canadian

That's right, Gary Perlman was born and raised in Montreal, Canada -- the part that's not really part of Quebec -- the West End. He went to Westminster (not minister) and Wagar High School, deep in the heart of Cote St. Luc.

Gary left Montreal to go to the University of Rochester, mainly to avoid C.E.G.E.P., which was some people's idea about how to convert four years of university into two more years of high school and three years of university. The U of R was a fine place, but basing the choice on proximity to Montreal and on the quality of the paper used in the application form is not what I now think is the best way to choose a university.

Being a Canadian in the U.S. was a real shock to someone who grew up watching American TV (WCAX in Burlington, Vermont, WPTZ in Plattsburg, New York, and WMTW in Poland Spring, Maine). I thought things would be pretty much the same as in Canada, and so did Americans, which cause some friction. For example, where I grew up, if someone was walking in front of you and dropped a piece of paper, you'd pick it up and hand it to them, because they must have dropped it by accident. In the States, it's not an accident, but an inalienable right, and who the f**k do you think you are, a**hole!

A Dual Citizen

But I've adapted, and I'm even a U.S. citizen, which is a good thing seeing as Congress has started to take away rights of resident aliens (e.g., unemployment payments) although not their responsibilities (e.g., unemployment tax) -- legal aliens, at least most of them, don't vote, you know. I used to tell pollsters that I was not allowed to vote, but most took that to mean I was a convicted felon, so I learned to tell people I was not a citizen.

It was a bit traumatic becoming a U.S. citizen, but it turned out that Canada makes it easier by acknowledging my U.S. citizenship, but not rescinding my Canadian citizenship unless I formally renounce it. So, in the eyes of Canada, I am a dual citizen, and in the eyes of the U.S., I am only American, although they know perfectly well that I am Canadian. My sons are Canadian, too, by virtue of being born to a Canadian. I don't know if the U.S. recognizes this. I decided to become an American citizen before my first son was born. And with the past couple of decades of Canada failing to defend the rights of the English in Quebec, I did not feel as tied to the nation I felt had abandoned its people. If the U.S. was a good enough place to raise a family, it was good enough to become a citizen. Americans feel more strongly about patriotism than I, and I think more than most Canadians, but Canadians get tired, and I think so do most nations, about hearing about the U.S. being the greatest nation in <insert astronomical geographical or temporal frames of reference here>. Canadians don't boast that way, which is very thoughtful, being so much better than Americans in so many ways.

What is a Canadian?

Canadians are a pleasant people, and I enjoy being one more than being an American. You don't have to apologize for being a Canadian (unless you are talking to someone, English or French, in Quebec, for which apologies are too late -- the automobile license plates in Quebec say "Je me souviens" which means, "I remember what you did to us."). I explain the generally easy-going nature of Canadians with two stories.
  1. The Canadian Football League for a long time had nine teams, but no one in Canada noticed that two of the teams had the same name, not even when they played each other. When I tell this to Canadians, they say, "Really? Which teams?" and I say "The Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Ottawa Rough Riders." "How about that," they say.
  2. Ask a Canadian what animal is on the quarter, and if they don't say "the Queen," they will say "the moose." And if you say "It's not a moose, it it?" they will say "No, it's a caribou, but we call it the moose." How about that.
    Canadian 25-cent coin with 'tails' showing caribou
This next story might be all wrong, but I heard that Macleans magazine had a contest to complete the phrase: As Canadian as... and the the winner was: As Canadian as possible, under the circumstances. Works for me!

Trivia Section

I like to point out a little noticed difference in the last lines (of the first verse) of the French and English versions of the Canadian National Anthem.

    Protegera nos foyers et nos droits.
    Oh Canada, We stand on guard for thee.
It explains a lot, maybe.

Here is a fun game I play with Americans. Take a room of Americans and have them try, collectively, to name all ten provinces. Okay, so the "ten" is a hint, but don't worry, it's never been done. "Is Ottawa a province? Is Toronto? Northwest Territories, that's one, right?" It turns out that New Brunswick is the hardest province to name, with Nova Scotia right behind. On the other hand, it's not too easy to name all fifty states, and Canadians might be better at naming American Presidents than Canadian Prime Ministers. (I had no problem recalling the name of the President during the Civil War for my U.S. citizenship test: Jefferson Davis. I really wanted to say it, I really did.)

Here is a tricky one to ask Canucks: What is the largest island in Canada with a provincial capital? I bet most Canadians will get stuck on Prince Edward Island (its capital is Charlottetown) even though Vancouver Island in British Columbia (its capitol, Victoria, is on Vancouver Island, which is several times the size of P.E.I.). But, if Baffin Island is an island, then so must be Newfoundland (its capital is St. John's).

Map of Canada

Well, that's my Canadian Corner, except for my remarkably detailed ASCII map of Canada, with a link from Montreal to a story by a Canadian author.

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           / |      Gary Perlman
          O|_|       "As Canadian as possible
         O. ==__      Under the circumstances"
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